you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
