i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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