In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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