If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
