What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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