Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
