I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
