also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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