so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
