New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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