My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
