i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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