dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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