I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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