careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
