wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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