Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
