i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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