the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
