that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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