I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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