Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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