kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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