I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
