R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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