i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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