You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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