i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
40s are totally the cure
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
