does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
