my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
