a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
