New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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