so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
