we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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