I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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