Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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