At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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