Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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