rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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