please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
