I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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