Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
