I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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