I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
