Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
