Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
