She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
