i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
