i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
