Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
