Just fell off a train. Bad.
Soap is not a condiment
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
