I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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