I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
