That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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