He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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