So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
