Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
