Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
