This girl is more easily done than said...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
