i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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