Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
