you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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