I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
