You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
