do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
