if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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