You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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