in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
