i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
