She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
