we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bring money and cleavage
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
