Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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