you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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