Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
