I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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