i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
