i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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