I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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